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backstage notes i probably shouldn’t share (but here we are)

1. The Pre-Show Spiral™

Some people meditate before a show; I count how many ways the night can go wrong.
Too quiet? Panic.
Too loud? Panic.
Someone compliments my jacket? Obviously a trap.

But here’s the tragic part: the second I step onstage, all that anxiety dissolves like cheap glitter in a hot shower. And then—equally tragic—I miss it the moment I walk off.
It’s disgusting how much I love the chaos. I think I might actually be allergic to peace.

2. The Art of Eating Alone in a Room Full of People

Backstage catering feels like a family dinner where I’m the weird cousin no one acknowledges.
I sit on a flight case with my plate balanced on my knee, chewing in slow motion like I’m filming a sad indie movie about a guy who peaked at twenty-six.

The funny thing?
I love it.
I love being surrounded and lonely at the same time.
It makes me feel… I don’t know. Real?
Or maybe I’m just dramatic and hungry. Hard to say.

3. The Nightly Ritual of Pretending I’m Fine

After the show, I do this thing where I lie on the dressing-room carpet and listen to the air conditioner roar like it’s giving me a pep talk.
The crew steps over me, the band ignores me, and the tour manager sighs like I’m doing this for attention.

Okay, maybe a little.

But the truth is: this empty, buzzing quiet is my favorite part of the day.
It’s the only moment where I’m not performing for anyone—not even myself.
Just a guy on the floor, smelling faintly of sweat and hairspray letting the universe pat his back with cold air.

Oh, and here’s a shot of me in the tour van. I was aiming for “mysterious musician,” but apparently I landed on “effortlessly hot.” Happens a lot.



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