Latest Blog Post
[Heap of Confusions: an empty mind]
Cuz the world has a way of tearing you down
Keeps you tied to the surface
Paints you up like a clown
But I'm right here
Day after day, year after yearNixie didn't quite remember her sixteen years well, which was comical, since at twenty-three, she should remember something like that. What she knew was that, in the beginning, she didn't have any platonic loves except Lucas, which also didn't mean anything, since he was the platonic love of all the girls of a generation; after all, he was the son of a Latin music sex symbol and had enough swagger to conquer everyone.
Back then, Nixie didn't think she could marry him, nor did she even want to. She was rational and knew that their friendship wouldn't go beyond that point of companionship, and that was fine. She didn't need more than that. She just wanted the moments in record stores, the laughter, the cigarettes, and the exchange of promises for the future; the punk rock band she never followed, the controversies with politics, and the fun life amidst chaos.
That was all she remembered. And looking in the mirror, she saw a broken reflection of a woman who needed to dye her hair frequently to disguise the red strands, who had given up having all the tattoos, and who lived an easy life as an electronic music singer. Nixie was a heap of "maybes" and "what ifs," as she often found herself thinking about all the possibilities left unfulfilled.
Perhaps, if at that time she hadn't started an argument, or had stayed quiet, if she hadn't trusted... she wouldn't have this mediocre life of watching the only people she cared about leaving. She was also a heap of departures, a lot of grief held in her chest, a screaming desire to live. Nixie was so many, many things, but could only see a broken reflection in several pieces.
Posted 4/13/2024, 6:00 PM